Susan submitted this incredible story of how she learned to ride her man with perfect confidence and details all the techniques she used that you can use to.
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I submitted this story to the Bad Girls Bible to show you how to ride your man without feeling nervous or scared. When you’re finished, you’ll be surprised at just how easy (& satisfying) is it is! You’re going to learn the same tips, tricks, positions and ideas I used to make the girl on top sex position my favorite.
It all started when I began dating my current flame, David. I met him at a Halloween party last year. I didn’t actually want to go to the party, as I was stressed beyond belief with a work project, but alas, my friends coerced, cajoled and begged me to go. So, without much time to get ready, my costume was very last minute. I was still in my red blouse and skirt from work, so I slipped into a pair of black stilettos, and voila…I instantly became a ‘sexy secretary’…sort of.
And that’s how we met. We had been making eye contact throughout the night and when he finally broke the ice, he did it by teasing me in front of my friends, pretending I was his personal secretary,
“You’re my new secretary, right? You better not be like the last one, she barely lasted a week.”
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I immediately blushed and smiled at the same time as he stared at me with his deep blue eyes and a cheeky smirk on his face.
From there, we went on a few dates and eventually started to get ‘serious,’ as they say. There were so many things that drew me to David: He was funny, he was confident but not arrogant and had all the right moves in the bedroom.
There was only one problem…I wasn’t nearly as sexually experienced as he was.
I almost felt inadequate.
Whenever we were intimate I let him dictate the pace and take control. I was a very happy passenger…but I suspected that David was mistaking my timidness for lack of interest. Things came to ahead one Friday night when we were having sex. He asked me to get on top and I straight up refused. Not because I didn’t want to pleasure him, but I was terrified.
I felt so much pressure to perform in the girl on top position, to have his eyes watching me and to take control.
I could see David’s frustration on his face. We stopped having sex, and he grabbed his phone.
“I’m sorry, I just don’t know what to do on top,” I said as he stared at his phone.
Getting Back On Top Of Things
I was so frustrated and annoyed with what happened that I decided to do everything in my power to figure out how to ride him confidently, so I never had to experience that awkwardness ever again.
Being a constant list maker, I decided to write out everything that makes me feel nervous about being on top during sex so I could address each problem systematically. Here’s what I came up with:
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- I feel pressure to perform when I’m on top.
- I’m not that experienced, and I don’t know what to do! Should I move back and forth or up and down or something else?!
- I get the feeling that he is watching me too intensely when I’m in the girl on top sex position.
- I’m not 100% confident with my body, so having his eyes on me makes it feel like he’s judging me (as silly as that sounds!).
- I can’t tell what he likes when I’m riding him.
- I’m submissive in the bedroom, so I don’t particularly like being in control. Tips on being more sexually dominant here .
I then decided to address each problem individually until I had fixed everything. Here they are:
(if you don’t have any of these issues, feel free to skip down to the positions and techniques part)
Less Pressure & Instant Confidence
The easiest problem for me to fix was performance pressure, the feeling that he might be judging me when I was on top. Here are the steps I took to boost my confidence:
Talk To Your Man – This may be the most obvious and boring piece of advice I give you BUT it’s also the best. Without proper communication and talking to my man, I would never have discovered what he loves in the bedroom and what he hates. While he adores Cowgirl position when I’m on top, he doesn’t love every position.
Without talking to him about this, I would have ended up guessing and hoping I was doing the right positions, which would have wasted a lot of time. The other great thing about talking to your man, is that he’ll learn what you like and enjoy during sex.
The most interesting thing that I discovered from talking to him was that he got turned on when he saw me get off. I never knew that guys love seeing their girl get off!
Lights Off – This is so easy. Whenever we had sex, I made sure to turn the lights off. This way I never felt like his eyes were judging me.
A Drink Or Two – Having one or two drinks before sex is the perfect way to boost your confidence and lower your inhibitions. If you’re a bit of a lightweight like me, then make sure you don’t drink too much!
Lingerie – My guy loves lingerie and so do most other guys! The other great thing is that lingerie can help to distract your man’s attention from practically any body part you aren’t 100% confident about. Make sure to check out this guide on choosing the right lingerie for more tips.
The Blindfold – Using a blindfold on your man is another option if you don’t want to turn off the lights. I wasn’t feeling particularly confident about asking him if he wanted to try it out, so I waited until we had a few drinks and then suggested it. He was very keen and I used an eye mask which worked really well!
Eye Contact – This is the part that really scared me. Now, I’m not afraid of eye contact or anything silly like that, but during sex, when I’m riding him, sometimes it can feel too intense. It’s almost like being on top makes me the ‘dominant’ partner. But, when we’re in the missionary position, it’s slightly easier to make eye contact because he’s on top.
Anyway, I realized that you don’t have to worry about eye contact too much when you’re on top. You can look elsewhere or just close your eyes. I know it sounds funny, but it really is that easy.
If you happen to have a mirror close by, I’d recommend using it during sex, watching yourself and your man is a LOT of fun!
Don’t Forget To Laugh! – When I started learning how to ride my man confidently, I was so caught up with trying to do everything ‘right’ that I totally forgot that sex was supposed to be fun!
Instead of focusing on enjoying myself, I was overthinking everything which severely diminished my pleasure. Once I learned to relax and laugh and giggle when he slipped out or when I fell backwards, everything became a lot easier. So, if you are always worrying and fretting about making sure you have the ‘correct technique’ and aren’t focused on enjoying yourself, then sex is going to become a chore.
The Techniques For How To Ride Your Man
At the same time I was figuring out how to address all those little problems I just talked about, I was also learning techniques I could be using when riding him to make being on top easier AND to increase my pleasure (and his too).
Lying On Top
In this position, I didn’t have to worry about him staring at me as he couldn’t see me. I was also still on my knees which meant that he could still do most of the work by thrusting in an out.
Once I got comfortable in this position, I started trying out more positions. Here are 13 more sex positions where you are on top of your man.
Back & Forward aka Grinding
As I started to get more and more comfortable being on top, I started to try more techniques. The first was grinding back and forward on him. Here’s how I did it.
- While he is deep inside me, I sat right down on him.
- I then pushed myself forwards and backward on his penis while keeping him deep in me.
- As I did this, I was grinding my clit on his pubic bone. Learn more clitoral stimulation techniques here.
- I could change the speed and intensity, by resting more or less weight on him.
Overtime I discovered exactly what to do in this position to get maximum enjoyment FOR ME. What I’m trying to say is that this position isn’t so much about your man’s enjoyment, it’s about your enjoyment. So, if you need clitoral stimulation during sex to get off, then make sure to grind forwards and backwards on your man
Up & Down
Moving up and down on his dick was the other main technique I learned. While this movement tires out your legs quickly, seeing the look on my man’s face makes it worth it.
Bouncing up and down on him is easiest when you are on your knees in the Cowgirl or Reverse Cowgirl positions. You need to move your body up and down; that’s it. Of course, there’s a million tiny variations I tried so that I can last longer before my legs are exhausted by leaning forwards or backward on him.
- I tried using my hips mostly to bounce up and down.
- I then tried using only my legs to move me up and down.
- I leaned far backward, putting my arms behind me on the bed to support myself and used a combination of my legs and back.
- I then leaned forward resting on my elbows, so I was using mostly my abs to bounce up and down on him.
Speaking of elbows and arms, you may be wondering what to do with yours when you’re on top…
What I Do With My Hands
When I first started figuring out how to confidently ride my man, I was always a bit concerned with my hands and arms. As I was a bit nervous, I wasn’t sure what I should do with them. I certainly didn’t want to cross my arms, that would have been weird, so I made a list of things I could do, that you should keep in mind if it’s something you are worrying about.
- I could lean back and put my arms behind myself resting my hands on the bed or his legs.
- I could lean forward slightly, resting my hands on his chest, shoulders, or the bed.
- I could lean further forward, resting my body on top of his and partly on my elbows/forearms.
- As I got more confident riding my man, I would put on a show for him, grinding on him and massaging my breasts as I did.
Get Him To Do The Work
Over time, my confidence kept on increasing, and I felt comfortable trying new things when I was on top. One night, while we were fooling around, I decided that he could do all the work when I was on top.
When I was performing Cowgirl I raised myself slightly off the bed, keeping about an inch of him still inside me and got him to start thrusting into me. It wasn’t a mind-blowing experience, but it felt great to change things up and have him do all the work.
Finding Your Rhythm
I noticed that when my man was thrusting while I was on top grinding on him at the same time, things usually got a little out of sync as we were both doing slightly different motions, which meant it was sometimes hard to find a rhythm and build towards orgasm.
From talking to friends, I noticed that this is pretty typical and that talking to your man and doing some experimentation is the only way to learn how to get into a pleasurable rhythm when I was on top.
Notes From Friends
As I talked more with my friends about their experiences with having sex while riding their man, I noticed that my friends who were most confident in the girl on top sex position, never felt forced or coerced into doing it.
My friends who had boyfriends or husbands that made a big deal out of it, tried to guilt them into doing it or were guys that were who were just plain selfish in the bedroom were not very confident about it at all. It was if all the pressure from their men was building it up into too much of a ‘big deal’ in their heads which ultimately made it even HARDER to actually do for them.
So, my advice for you, if your man is pushing for you to be on top all the time, is to talk to him and let him know that the harder he pushes for it, the more difficult it’s going to be for you and the less you’re going to enjoy it.
The Best Girl On Top Sex Positions
Cowgirl – I feel like the ‘standard’ girl on top sex position for riding your man is Cowgirl as demonstrated in the above illustration. It’s simple and straightforward, you just sit down on your man’s penis and rest your weight on your knees.
Man Missionary – Perhaps even easier is the Man Missionary position. It’s like a variation of Cowgirl where you just need to lean forward and rest yourself on top of your man and your elbows/forearms.
Asian Cowgirl – If you want your man to thrust up into you when you’re riding him, then try using the Asian Cowgirl position. You simply need to squat down onto your man and stay in position. You can then place your hands on his legs to help support yourself. If you want to lean forward, you can rest your hands on his chest or the bed. This is called the Fast Fuck position.
Reverse Cowgirl – Reverse Cowgirl is exactly as it sounds, you’re going to be performing the regular cowgirl position on your man, but in reverse. So, you’ll be facing his feet instead of his face for this one. I really enjoyed this position when I first began learning how to ride my man as I didn’t have to worry about eye contact.
Crab – As your confidence builds with your man, I highly recommend the Crab position, especially if you like the idea of putting on a show for him. Sit down in your man’s lap with your feet either side of his shoulders and lean back, placing your hands on his legs to support yourself like in the illustration above.
You And Him
I hope my story of how I learned how to ride my man has been helpful and you can take some of my ideas and use them to become more confident in bed with your man. The final thing that I feel is very important when it comes to riding your man is figuring out:
Why are you doing this?
Are you learning how to ride your man just to please him, but aren’t getting anything out of it yourself? Or are you doing it because you want to learn new ways to please both yourself AND your man?
If you are just doing it for your man, but don’t get any enjoyment out of it yourself, then you may be in a relationship that is one-sided. Healthy relationships are all about balance and compromise, so if you do everything just to please your man, but he’s not putting in an equal share of the effort, then you may be in a relationship that needs re-examining.
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